‘college’

Keep Speaking Up! (A Note On Reclaiming Public Space)

creeper2

I’m currently studying abroad in Sweden, and I had planned on returning to WIYL with a lengthy analysis of Swedish and European attitudes on feminism, and how my experiences with both sexual harassment and the opinions on it differed from those in the States; tonight’s events, however, caught me completely off guard, and with few active feminists to whom I can turn here (more on that later), I now look to this strong, empowered community with a consoling nod of empathy and a bit of advice.

A few of my female friends and I went to the student bar tonight, and for the most part, it was your ordinary night out in Sweden: great people, expensive drinks, and questionable house music. At some point, one person in our group noticed an older man who had been leering at her for quite some time. Sure enough, as we moved from tables to booths to the dance floor, he would move as well, always standing alone with his drink, staring at her. Now, I understand that a bar is a social environment, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone checking you out, finding you attractive, striking up a conversation, and either moving forward or moving on. This man chose instead just to stare, to asses, from a distance; as the night continued, she became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of someone using her fun night out, her body and her dancing, as a show, an object, a spectacle. As the offender moved even closer, she finally confronted him about his creepy gaze and uncanny movements that shifted as she attempted to move out of his line of sight. I didn’t hear their conversation, but whatever words were exchanged must have been a denial, an insult, or a threatening come-on, because she immediately grabbed her jacket and purse, and hurriedly marched out of the bar.

To see my friend, a self-identified feminist who is usually the first to rally against these same harassers and occurrences, this disarmed and derailed was entirely upsetting. Her night out was completely ruined by one man who believed he had to right, the privilege, to leer at his pleasure, but unapologetically refused to acknowledge the validity of her protests to what felt like nonconsensual voyeurism to her. As I sat there alone at the bar, I frantically looked around the room for the offender, wanting to confront him about his harassment. I realized then, though, that there was little I could do. My friend has attempted to verbally defuse the situation with little success; a larger, louder effort would only cause a scene, and I realized that my defense, “he was staring at my friend,” sounded inane to those who hadn’t been involved in the situation; yes, we were at a club, but is there any difference between that scenario, and an unknown man following you and watching you on the street, or in any other public space? I became increasingly furious as I realized that we were trapped in a situation in which our comfort zones, our personal space and safety, could easily be invaded, and that any objection to this intrusion could be laughed off, making us feel powerless in controlling situations regarding our bodies and ourselves.

My other friend put it quite succinctly as I was hunting down the harasser: “What are you going to do, punch him?” Very often, in discussions and experiences regarding consent and sexual harassment, we find ourselves backed into a corner, ridiculed and patronized for speaking out against unwanted advances and misogynistic actions and attitudes; it is easy, as we experienced in the bar tonight, to feel voiceless. I wish I had a neat conclusion, a revelation, or a tidy solution to eliminating these instances where a woman is made to feel so uncomfortable in her skin and in her environment that she sees no other option but to leave; I do know, though, that WIYL is an undeniably powerful force in uprooting a male-privileged society and in promoting consent not just within the confines of sex itself, but in all instances regarding one’s sexuality and sense of self. It’s good to be back, ladies; we’ve got a lot of work cut out for us.

DIY Frat Culture.

Photo via Goldberg on flickr.

Photo via Goldberg on flickr.

The recent slew of sexual assaults on my own campus, and THE LINE’s own Hot Safe Spring Break program have gotten me thinking about fraternity culture and its representations. Often, the media portrays fraternities as a hotbed of high-risk behavior, including unsafe sex, excessive alcohol consumption and most horrifyingly, as an incubator for a generation of youth socialized into rape culture. Sometimes, I worry this is true –think about the recent events involving DKE at Yale.

However, as a woman who’s been involved in the ongoings of a fraternity throughout my college career, I beg to differ. The word ‘fraternity’ should not send tremors of fear through the bodies of young women, nor through the minds of their terrified teachers and parents. The word ‘fraternity’ simply means a community, regardless of whether brothers prefer playing beer pong, or sitting around making scary puppets out of cardboard. It is the unfortunate consequence of normative cultural beliefs and masculine ritual that they have become unsafe places for women, homosexual, trans and queer individuals.

(more…)

He Shoots, he scores.

500_AlcoholConsent

Consent.  According to the Oxford English Dictionary consent is “Voluntary agreement to or acquiescence in what another proposes or desires; compliance, concurrence, permission,” permission.  Yeah, I gave him permission, there was no struggle, and I never said “no,” never said “stop.” So, I guess, I really wasn’t raped.  Of course, who can give consent when they are very nearly black out drunk, could you.  If you cannot even walk in a straight line on your own, if you will not remember every single part of the night, if you cannot speak without slurring your words, can you really give consent?  No.  I don’t think so.

Honestly, I don’t think that he is such a bad guy.  What do you expect when every voice he hears is saying, “yeah, go for it,” or “you’re both drunk so it’s okay.” Uhm no, it is not okay.  In what universe would you ever think that it would be okay to take a girl that is that drunk home with you, the girl who literally fell into your lap.  Lucky, damn right you got lucky.  Who tells these guys that this is okay, why the fuck do we put up with it.  Empowerment, my ass, Cosmo says you have better sex when you are sober, aren’t we all about having great sex; great consensual sex.  What I want to know is who the hell can look themselves in the mirror after correcting the level of drunkenness reported by their hookup:

So, how drunk were you last night?

Uhm, fairly drunk, slightly more than average…I guess.

Ha, really, really drunk.

Alright, and how the hell don’t you think that’s wrong.  But I guess it is my fault isn’t it? My fault for going out, for over indulging, I was asking for it right?  Uh uh.  Wrong.

You have a brain, you have a conscience, hell you’re fucking hot; you don’t need a girl to have had 5 or more drinks for you to get some.  So why did you do it?  Maybe you can explain it to me and I’ll understand.  Maybe you can explain it to me and I’ll stop feeling physically ill every time that I see you, every time that I dwell on this.

You see, sex isn’t just physical, sex is chemical, and as much as I want to slap you across the face, I still want to be near you.  I want to be close to you, to have you want me for the person that I am and that’s what makes me sick to my stomach, to the point that it is almost hard to breathe.  The fact that I can’t help it, I hate myself for wanting to be with you.  And the worst part?  You don’t even give a damn.  It’s just chemicals, and I gave consent.

Introducing: THE LINE’s Video Intern!

THE LINE Introduction from Kaela Rae Jensen on Vimeo.

Speaking Out On The “Difficult Art of Living.”

bear

Hey everyone! My name is Trisha, and I’m a new blogger and campaign member!

I’m a student, writer and retired sex-worker with a particular interest in the politics of poetic form. I live in Philadelphia and school at the University of Pennsylvania, where I study English Literature with a concentration in Gender, Culture and Society. I worked for literary non-profit organisations such as The Kelly Writers House and The Feminist Press, and produced conceptual work in collaboration with the Queer Voice exhibit at the Institute of Contemporary Art in Philadelphia.

I’m also the recipient of the Kerry Prize. The prize grant facilitated my creation of a hybrid book arts/zine project entitled ‘LIVE PAPER DOLLS,’ which was a collection of art and writing in response to the question ‘what does it mean to be a woman’- and that culminated in a panel discussion about textual practice, Riot Grrrl and the book object as flesh. I’m hoping to eventually work in development in order to facilitate feminist work, or- as Schiller would say- ‘the art of the beautiful and the still more difficult art of living’.

Currently, I’m running an interdisciplinary reading series (feminism/s) dedicated to the diversity of contemporary feminism and community-building for women in the arts.
I am an out and proud femme and submissive, and love everything grrly, grotesque, burlesque& poetic.

A Bill of Rights for Women This September

This summer, I gained a new perspective on relationships and women’s empowerment. There are two main reasons for the feminist thoughts in my head – a teacher and the internet.

In the beginning of summer, I was talking to a teacher about relationships and the term “whipped.” (I had told her stories about friends who had let their partners control their every move because they felt that they were “too in love to care.”) Being the amazing teacher she is, she said:

“You have the vagina in this relationship. A man needs you. Regardless if it is for sex, love, or procreation.”

As raunchy as it may be, it’s true: it takes two to have a successful relationship (or more, depending on your own style). There must always be a division of power in order to have a relationship, and when your partner begins controlling every move, it’s more of an imprisonment. When people respect each other, the foundation is set for a strong partnership.

(more…)

Telling the Whole Story

Charlottesville, Virginia is a a relatively peaceful town.  It has been honored by numerous publications as a great place to live and work. In 1998, Reader’s Digest even named it as one of the top 10 places to raise a family .  But despite our glowing reputation, we’ve been in the news several times in recent years for things besides our golf courses — including the disappearance and murder of Morgan Harrington, the murder of student athlete Yeardley Love, and Liz Seccuro’s much-belated justice in her decades old rape case. The University of Virginia, which seems to be at the heart of most of these incidences, was cited in 2009 as a particularly egregious offender in a report on the lack of honesty and transparency in campus sexual assault cases by the Center for Public Integrity.

But in the past month, the University has sent out several e-mails notifying students of attempted sexual assauls in the area around the school.  In all three instances, a stranger accosted a woman and wrestled her onto the ground and into nearby bushes.  All three women struggled and managed to fight off their assailants. The incidences, separated by several weeks, were not committed by the same perpetrator — two women assaulted on the same night reported that their assailant was a young white male with blonde or brown hair, the third woman described her assailant as Hispanic and in his thirties.

Now, don’t get me wrong — the school was right to notify students of these events.  This represents a real risk.  Both occurred in areas where students live, work, and walk through on a regular basis.  What worries me, though, is the constant reinforcement of the “stranger in the bushes” myth.  In this case, it was very literally true.  But we know that upwards of 70% of rapes are committed by a non-stranger.

If students receive notification only when a stranger assaults someone, but never when a friend, roommate, partner, father, uncle, dentist, acquaintance, or co-worker is the perpetrator, we will only become further entrenched in the delusion that we are only in danger when walking alone at night.

This brings me back to a constant conflict I face — as a survivor of a drug-facilitated stranger rape, I nevertheless firmly believe we need to challenge the prevailing belief that most rapes are committed by strangers or that bars are full of men slipping GHB into women’s drinks.  As I sit in my rape crisis hotline advocacy training, we are frequently reminded that most callers, and indeed most victims of any sexual assault, will have been assaulted by an acquaintance, friend, or relative.  Sometimes I feel that my own experience is being erased, negated, and denied.  I struggle to remind myself that this isn’t about me or my experience, and that there is plenty of attention already paid to that specific type of sexual assault- but that doesn’t change the danger of telling an incomplete story of rape and assault to women everywhere, and specifically on college campuses.

We need to move away from the warnings of “ladies, watch your drinks” and “don’t walk home alone.” (That’s not to say we should stop watching our drinks or taking self defense classes, but these bits of advice should not form the dominant cultural narrative on sexual assault.) We need to begin telling the whole story, and telling people the truth.

The situations advocates, professionals, academics, activists, survivors, and other groups work to raise awareness about and prevent are scary, wrong, and unjustifiable – no matter who commits them.

The Y Factor: Getting Men Involved in the Movement to End Rape

Men Can Stop Rape poster via TCADSV.

Men Can Stop Rape poster via TCADSV.

Here’s a scenario:  I’m out to dinner with a group of sophisticated, professional-type couples.  Someone asks me what I do and everyone politely pauses to listen to my response.  I respond that I’m a rape crisis intervention counselor and advocate for rape victim’s rights, and I can literally watch 50% of the group turn off, click, and nonchalantly start to chat amongst themselves about something else.  Meanwhile, the rest of the table will either make sympathetic sounds, perplexedly question why I would choose to “spend my time doing that,” or get wide-eyed and stare at me like I’ve cornered them and they’re planning an exit strategy.

The second group is usually comprised of the women.  The first group – the group of people that seems to think the topic of rape is irrelevant to their lives – consists of men.

By and large, rape prevention education is targeted towards girls and women, implying that rape is a “woman’s issue” and therefore, of no concern for boys.  This strategy has the damaging auxiliary effects of: 1) promoting the antiquated and dangerous belief that a woman is solely responsible for putting on the breaks during sexual activity, 2) communicating to boys and men that they need not concern themselves with such frivolous matters as consent, mutual fulfillment or sexual autonomy, and 3) thereby condoning sexual violence because, you know, boys will be boys.

(more…)

Is Hooking Up Hurting Our Heads?

Photo via foundphotoslj on Flickr.

Photo via foundphotoslj on Flickr.

A new report, entitled “Sex and School: Adolescent Sexual Intercourse and Education,” is making huge waves in headlines. The study, completed by Bill McCarthy of the University of California Davis and Eric Grodsky of the University of Minnesota (two sociologists, I might add), collected data on youth intercourse, romantic and nonromantic, and youth performance in school.

Some research-style background: the study looked at school attachment, high school GPA, college aspiration, college expectations, problems in school, ever truant, the number of days truant, school sanctions (suspended/expelled), and dropping out. The research was completed with the intention of describing intercourse- which the researchers believe means the survey was primarily completed by those involved in the act of vaginal intercourse. Participants were allowed to self-identify as being in romantic or nonromantic relationships, and were responsible for making the distinction.

If you’ve read some mainstream coverage of the report, you’re probably very confounded by the data: people in relationships and people who abstain from sex do just fine in school (or, at least, do not find that intercourse disturbs their existing patterns academically) and people who hook up simply don’t? That can’t be!

Well, you are right. It isn’t.

Oliver Wang of The Atlantic explains where the coverage went wrong concisely in his article on the report:

Here’s an age-old beef between scientists (social or otherwise) and journalists: the former tend to be exceptionally careful about drawing conclusions from their research. It’s one thing to argue, “Data X and Data Y show a relationship,” it’s another thing altogether to actually argue, “Data X is the cause of Data Y.” This is what’s known as the correlation vs. causality distinction and it is absolutely fundamental to any kind of responsible research methodology and discussion.

The difference between a correlation and a cause may seem minor- after all, why not jump the bridge of conclusions and just make a statement, already?! – but it isn’t. Social scientists would not claim something was a cause if really, data was just correlated. Similarly, they would never call a cause a correlation if it was clear that causality existed. Such is science: you say what is scientifically and methodologically true.

And this is why everyone should actually be reading this report – instead of the coverage. (And why the journalists should pick up a copy, too.) Heather Corrina’s coverage of the report for Scarleteen elaborates on that fine distinction, and why the scientists themselves are not ready to make claims, about hooking up or its effects on student’s academic performance:

This study also can’t tell us much about the academic impact of “hookups” or “flings,” since it doesn’t talk about them nor were those terms used in the study, and adults reporting or classifying teen nonromantic relationships as such may be projecting or making unwarranted assumptions about teens’ nonromantic relationships in doing so. We cannot say what types of romantic or nonromantic relationships intercourse occurred in in the study. All one can state with authority is that the individuals in them either classified them as romantic or non-romantic and/or did or did not mark relationships as meeting the criteria in the list above. Some of the intercourse reported as non-romantic may well have occurred, and probably did occur, in “casual sex” contexts like one-night stands. However, some may have occurred in friends-with-benefits scenarios, via open romantic relationships, or in brand-new relationships which the participants did not yet engage in the above behaviours or don’t yet classify as romantic, or other possibilities. But to classify the non-romantic sex as being about any one kind of relationship, beyond merely non-romantic, is poor reporting and is not supported by the study.

The authors do not ever, in presenting their results, use the word “cause” to connect sex & academic outcomes – they use “relationship” or “association” or “correlation.” This study does NOT show that any kind of sex causesanything to do with academic outcomes, only that some academic outcomes or attitudes do or do not occur when teens are also having intercourse or not having intercourse in certain contexts. Something else McCarthy explained to me was that “the GPA and other outcome data are form the subsequent year so they do have temporal order and correct for selection into sex; however,that selection is not random so we can’t really talk about cause.”

The truth about hooking up and school is that nobody knows how hooking up will effect our performance in the classroom, because that isn’t what this study was about. But in the coverage of the piece, it has become obvious that preconceived notions about sexuality and relationships are present in the pens of journalists.

I may not be a scientist, but I’d like to make some suggestions based on the findings of this report: get some, and get smart.

Why Don’t We Date?


Photo via.

I’ve noticed with my generation that there is a lack of dating. Isn’t dating the way we are supposed to find out if we like someone? It seems like things are working backwards: people meet one another at parties, hook up, and perhaps begin dating after that. I know that there are people out there on dates, but I’ve found that dating isn’t typical among my peers.

I’m confused by this- what is it about dating we hate? Is it too time-consuming for a generation endlessly rushing around? Is it too personable for kids used to the computer screen? According to Journalism professor Daniel Reimold, who interviewed different sex columnists from universities around the country, dating is passé- too boring.

Q: Are monogamy and romance really “dying” on today’s college campuses?

A: Yes, along with dating. The columns’ declarations about their impending deaths are general or symbolic at times, but the sentiments are clear: Students nowadays exist mainly within a casual-sex-centric or “hook-up” culture. It is a socially ambiguous set-up filled with people whom students randomly meet, sleep with, and never see again, and individuals on students’ cell phone speed dial lists available for commitment-free sex after a quick “booty call.”
Collegiate couplings exist, columns note, but they skip the courting period, rushing from straight sex to hardcore commitment at a blistering pace and accompanied by heavy drinking and sexual activity typically from a pair’s first meeting. As a Cornell Daily Sun columnist once wrote, “People here don’t date. They either couple up and act married or do the random one night hook up thing.” A separate columnist refers to the loss of what she calls “dating with a lowercase ‘d,’ ” or the more casual one-on-one activities traditionally known as courting that “on the relationship spectrum … falls after hooking up but before monogamous commitment.”

Is the Internet to blame for our lack of real life social interactions? Maybe dating isn’t casual enough – in many ways, people don’t really talk to one another in person anymore, or at least not in the same or as frequent ways. The thought of meeting up with someone for dinner can be rather intimidating: maybe it’s just easier to meet that person at a party. There’s less pressure and it’s not as awkward. But what are we scared of?

Honestly, I was a bit intimidated to go on a date this summer. This is how it played out: After meeting someone at a friend’s party, he had posted on my facebook wall that he wanted to hang out. After I saw his wall post I sent him a facebook message, and after some back and forth he gave me his cell phone number. I heard my mom in the back of my head: “you have to put yourself out there!” I texted him. Finally, we agreed on meeting up for dinner.

But in the end, it was great! We went to a low-key dinner, and then walked over to Central Park. We even caught a bit of the New York Philharmonic concert and saw fireworks. Sparks did not fly between the two of us, but I’m ok with that. It was a nice night and I’m glad I went out with him. I feel as if we got over the social networking hump- we sucked it up and met up in real life.

Yes, dating can be awkward and uncomfortable, but so can hookups. It may be different, but it’s brave and it’s oftentimes exciting. I’m not suggesting that every relationship needs to start in some antiquated way, but I think dating can be an appealing alternative to randomly hooking-up. I’m not sure why so many of my classmates and friends, and seemingly an entire youth culture, oppose what is a quality, controlled method for meeting new people and exploring new flames.

What do you think?

All Posts Tagged ‘college’