On Tuesday, NCAA football hall of famer and male feminist activist Don McPherson came to speak at my school, American University, as the kickoff event for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. The event was a resounding success, largely due in part to the fact that all members of varsity sports teams, fraternities and sororities were mandated to come to the event. Because many of these students would not usually turn out to an event featuring a male feminist speaker, the mandate allowed so many more students to hear McPherson’s message than usually would. And while not everyone probably came away as inspired as I was, my hope is that those who may have never thought critically about Masculinity may start to.

I want to elaborate upon some important and points McPherson made that I think are important to share with everyone.

The first is the notion that “We have all been raised not to talk about these things”. “These things” being problems such as alcoholism, drug abuse, divorce, domestic abuse, and sexual assault. I agree with McPherson that this is a huge problem. Without talking about and acknowledging these issues as serious problems within our society, how are supposed to solve them?

Second, while talking about the prevalence of alcohol as a date-rape drug, McPherson said, “ladies night should be illegal.” I fully agree with him. Not only do ladies’ nights at bars further reinforce perceived differences between men and women, but providing women with alcohol at a reduced or no cost, such as what happens at many parties, clubs and bars, only happens with one goal: the intoxication of women to the point where they are more vulnerable to sexual assault. However, I want to be clear that this thought in no way seeks to take away blame from the men who perpetrate the majority of sexual assaults. Rather, we need to think critically about the way in which men actively use alcohol as a tool of perpetrating sexual assault.

The focus of McPherson’s presentation was around the use of misogynist language within our society. He asked the males in the audience what the worst insult they could remember from their childhood. The overwhelming majority? “You play/throw/run like a girl”. What does it mean when from such a young age, boys are told that when they do something poorly (usually a physical activity), they are similar to a girl?

McPherson said that “Implicit in the statement is that women and girls are less than [boys and men]”. For him, the fact that you can call a guy any number of epithets involving animals and inanimate objects and it is positive, buy when you call a guy a woman and it becomes insulting is one of the backbones of misogyny. When women are denigrated so much that they become a male can “hit that” or “grab a piece of that”, women become simply objects of sexual attraction, and not people with their own needs, desires, likes, and dislikes. The problem does not start in high school or in college, but from a very young age, according to McPherson.

And the problem does not stop when we remain silent. For McPherson, “silence is saying that its ok”. But we know that it is not ok to refer to women as an object, to strip them of their humanity and reduce them to their physicality. All of us, feminists of every gender, need to stand up to our friends when they use misogynistic language, we need to stand up to strangers who engage in street harassment, and we need to stand up when our society’s pop culture glorifies men who denigrate women and shuns women who stand up for themselves.

I screened The Line at M.I.T. and asked them!

Mutual respect, care and pleasure.

We don’t necessarily have to be in love, but you will respect me and treat me like the goddess that I am.

Know what it means to enjoy sex–then you know what you want.

Being fully conscious of what I am doing.

Sex is fabulous! But it better be as fabulous for me as it is for you.

Yes in bed does not mean yes in the park.

Ask me before you put it ANYWHERE.

I screened The Line at Hunter College and asked them!

I don’t know. As a male, I didn’t know I was allowed to have one.

Wherever I decide it is. Not you. Not my parents. Not my religion. Not my culture.

Changes every second, minute, hour, day–and with every person.

It changes. I’m learning to tell you, but please ask me!

Understanding the implications of my actions.

It’s mutual. No one is entitled to my body.

Ask me “Is this okay?” as we go. IT DOESN’T KILL THE MOOD. IT TURNS ME ON!

Have the respect to ask me and don’t judge me for saying no.

Wherever, whenever, and wherever I say it is.

I screened The Line at Penn State at Abington and asked them!

When you stop listening.

When I fucking say NO!

Put a ring on it.

I refuse to cheat even when he is 3,000 miles away.

When I tell you f*** off.

Where she draws it.

Knowing someone inside and out…true love.

“I don’t know what happened” …is not an answer!

I screened The Line at LREI High School and asked them!

Undefined, but never changing–unless I decide differently.

I’ll be the judge of that. Not you.

Mutuality. It’s a two way street.

It depends. It tends to bend.

I don’t really know. You should ask and find out.

Ask me and you’ll know. Otherwise, you just don’t care.

Only when there is trust do we draw the line together.

Love, trust, emotion, respect.

I screened The Line at Northwestern University and asked them!

You’ll know when I want you.

When I lose my individuality.

When I’m ready I’ll let you know…yes means yes!

Only I can know. Only I can tell you. Listen and respect my answer.

Wouldn’t you like to know? Just ask!

Respect me for who I am and what is in my heart, not just for what is underneath my clothes.

Mine is invisible. Proceed with caution.

No social conservatives.

I screened The Line at Cornell University and asked them!

Don’t try anything stupid.

Take me seriously when I say no. Don’t try to change my mind.

It moves. Please ask. I’ll do the same for you.

Guilt trips are not sexy.

If you don’t know me well enough to ask me.

When the basis of intimacy is no longer emotional or intellectual and physicality is demanded of me.

My purity.

Ask me. We can find out together.

Last Friday, we could not post the interview with our Badass Activist of the week, Shira Tarrant, because of power outages due to severe weather. So, as promised, we’re posting the interview now.

This interview is part of our Badass Activist Friday series. Whether social media queens and kings, creative artists, sex educators, or just kick-ass personalities, these people harness righteous anger, instigate movements and inspire cultural change. We’re here to honor them and their work, but more importantly, to highlight how we can all get up, plug in, and Just Start Doing.

Shira holds a PhD in Political Science and is an Associate Professor in the Department of Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies at California State University in Long Beach. She has written and edited several books (including Men and Feminism and When Sex Became Gender) and she has appeared pulbications such as Ms Magazine, Bitch and AlterNet, among others.

Let’s hear what she has to say!

You have a PhD in Political Science, and are now working as a writer, speaker and activist in the fields of gender, sexuality and feminism. Can you tell us a little bit about how you got there and what inspired you to do the work you are doing now?

I’ve always known that I wanted to do work that in some way contributes to positive change in the world. There are so many ways each of us can do that — through activist work, the arts, through our everyday interactions with people. Who knew my work would involve politics, pop culture and porn!

I love my work. It blends intellectual puzzles with public action for political improvement. I spend time alone when I’m writing, and I spend other time with people when I’m teaching or traveling across the country to speak at universities and community spaces. I love getting to engage with so many people and hear their stories, challenges, and successes.

I did my doctorate at UCLA, which was kind of like boot camp. The expectations in my department were seriously demanding, but this prepared me to write clearly, speak up, and to be effective in dealing with criticism that happens when you’re willing to go public with controversial ideas. I applied to grad school because I was concerned about economic, race, gender and power disparities. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do about it, but I knew I needed to take action. Now I’m able to bring new ideas or new ways of looking at issues to people and all the work is totally worth it.

You’re also a professor at California State University, Long Beach. Do your students influence your work at all? How do they surprise you, and what topics surprise them?

I’m an associate professor in the Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies Department. My training as a political scientist is the foundation for my activist-scholar work on gender and sexual politics. My students are amazing. Our debates about current issues and my students’ insight and questions continually inform my work. Sometimes these conversations happen in class, sometimes they happen more casually—like when we bump into each other on campus or in the city—and a lot of times the discussions happen on Facebook. It’s not like any of us get to clock out of sexual politics at 5:00. That’s why having an ongoing exchange of ideas with my students is so valuable.

When I’m writing books or articles, I often have my students read drafts to open the topics for discussion. I write about hooking up, pornography, masculinity, pop culture, and everyday sexual politics that we all experience. It’s important that I’m talking about these issues with my students. At the same time, my students’ feedback is crucial to my work. They’re savvy about personal politics and they have a lot to say.

You’ve expressed a particular interest in the field of masculinity studies, and have contributed two books (the anthology “Men Speak Out” and your own book “Men and Feminism”). Where do you see the role of men in feminism? How can we help each other? How has the field evolved from when you got started, and what still needs work?

I just participated in a panel on men and feminism last week. The event drew a full house and we ran out of time to address all the questions from the audience. This tells me that people are super-interested in exploring the issues of men, masculinity, and progressive change. Men have a crucial role to play in feminist politics. There is strength in numbers and we need all hands on deck to make serious change. There are a lot of good men out there doing amazing political work and living ethical lives. While feminism is an intersectional movement that keeps women at the center of focus, that doesn’t mean that feminism is only for women. It’s not women’s job to clean up the dirty mess of society.

We’re living in shifting times and there’s a lot more social permission for guys to break out of The Man Box. In other words, younger guys are coming into a world where the expectations to be hard-ass providers who don’t cry are increasingly understood as limiting stereotypes. At the same time, we still have serious wage disparities, problems with male sexual assault and violence against women, and men still face serious risk for breaking social norms. In other words, there’s been a lot of improvement but there’s still a lot of work to be done.

Another topic you’re written about extensively is the recent flurry of interest in our so-called “hook-up culture”. Where do you think this moral outrage is coming from? In your recent article you cite research done by Heather Corinna (founder & editor of Scarleteen), showing that the amount of “hooking up” that’s going on is hardly something new. So why is so much ink still being wasted on this?

Good questions! The cultural freak-outs about so-called hooking up reflect a deep discomfort with teen and young-adult sexuality. There are lots of reasons to have open, honest conversations about sexual safety, agency, and bodily integrity. But I see a lot of Reefer Madness-style shock tactic that doesn’t do the job. That just shuts down conversation instead of providing a forum for dialogue. What’s particularly concerning is when feminism — a progressive movement — takes a stance that “puts us in bed” with the conservative religious right. When politics make strange bedfellows we need to seriously re-think our political arguments.

Are you working on any new projects right now that you’d like to tell us about?

My new book is Fashion Talks: Undressing the Power of Style (SUNY Press). The book grapples with the tension between expression and constraint, the ways fashion is a way we express ourselves but, at the same time, can create political limitations on beauty, sexuality, feminism, gender, class, and cultural imperialism. Can there ever be a truly indie bridal outfit? What’s up with baby bumps as Hollywood fashion accessories? Does Gothic Lolita style subvert sexual objectification? And what do we make of the complicated politics of colonial power and steampunk?

Be on the lookout for Fashion Talks in 2012. This is the only book that features Cruella du Vil, Michelle Obama, Andrea Dworkin, and Bruno all in one collection! Also, I have to add that Fashion Talks is a joint project with my fabulous co-editor, Marjorie Jolles, a philosophy professor at Roosevelt University in Chicago. I have to give her huge thanks!

Thank you so much for your time and your great answers!

I screened The Line at University of Wisconsin at Oshkosh and asked them!

Always ask me.

I’m done being hurt. Let me call the shots once.

Crazy and unpredictable (just like me!) ASK!

I will not be your one night stand. Prove to me that you are worth it!

When I trust him and he loves me.

Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t say no! I say it all the time.

It involves open communication and respect.

I screened The Line at University of Wisconsin at La Crosse and asked them!

It really changes. I have to feel like we are both in it, not just him.

Sex can wait. Masturbate.

Thin, flexible, strong–ask and we’ll explore!

When I wear a cute outfit and a guy looks at my eyes instead of my boobs or my ass.

When I say “No” don’t pressure me to have to say “Yes.”

Let’s explore each other with love and respect.