Posts Tagged ‘celebrity’

I want you. I want you to beat me. Erotic Violence in “The Hurt Locker”

500_Lookout1A fight is not an inevitable thing. It is a social ritual. It occurs in a context in which all the participants agree that the fight is OK. You chose to fight. You participated in the dance.

500_marktarget face

There is no actual harm in one man telling another man that his mother sucked his cock the previous night. It is just an invitation to dance

500_hitmearmsopen

He shoved you and you put your hands up but you did not walk away. We take shoving to be a provocation after which one is justified in committing violence.

500_Dance1

What the shove says is, I love you and I want to feel the violence of my love for you by having some contact. The shove says, I want some pain inflicted, will you please engage in some mutual infliction of pain? I need some pain. The shoving says, here, look at what I am willing to do: I am offering myself to you, to be beaten.

500_agonyecstasy

Will you please attack me so I feel whole again? Here, look, I will shove you again. That is my request. The shove says, “I want you. I want you to beat me.”

500_smoke hands

He might as well say, you know, I really love you and want to be intimate with you by fighting. Will you join me in a fight? Will you please slake my thirst for violence? I am attracted to you; I think it would be a deep, erotic pleasure to be beaten by you. Would you please? May I have this dance of violence?

These are film stills from “The Hurt Locker,” and the words are excerpted from an advice column by Cary Tennis of Salon.com.

Relax, I’m not a “ho”

500_Ingrid HO1

Sunday was the premiere of MTV’s Sexting in America special, but I didn’t get to catch it until this morning due to not having cable, homework galore and a 24 hour stomach virus that snuck up on me yesterday.

While the special was interesting, well-made and featured a bevy of professional folk (an internet lawyer, anyone?), I was disappointed in MTV for not embracing teenagers and their emerging sexuality. I feel that adults are not comfortable with acknowledging the growing curiosity with sex amongst young people. That’s one of the biggest issues here, adults want to ignore – the fact that we are experimenting with sex. They assume that they know everything and want to protect us from irresponsibility, but they don’t realize that if they just spoke to us on a ‘real’ level, we would be more comfortable with what we did with our own bodies. And by adults, I mean ALL adults, not just your parents. Just like what Jaclyn Friedman says in her article, “When Sex is Normal, Normal People Will Talk About Sex“, instead of changing our persona “to conform to cultural norms,” we changed “the norms to conform” to our reality.

My generation is the technology generation; when I was thirteen, I registered for my first MySpace account. Everybody had one and altered their page to represent who they are (or who they wanted to be) through layouts, graphics, music, photos, etc. Your e-world revolved around comments, friend requests and number of hits your page received. You knew you had a hot photo when you received 10+ comments on it, and for a young teen, it was definitely a confidence booster. Showing off your abs, flexing your muscles or flaunting your curves was virtually accepted, and if people had a problem with it, then they were considered haters.

Of course, it’s not a smart decision to send a provocative photo of yourself to anyone, particularly an ex-boyfriend (you’re not going out with him for a reason), because it can end up being seen by e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. However, we shouldn’t start victim-blaming; with each sexting case I come across, the problem starts with the person receiving the text who ends up forwarding it to all his contacts. Then she gets blamed, and the entire school calls her a “slut”, “whore” and “ho.” Here is where the issue of GENDER ROLES come into play. If a guy showed his junk to the entire school, people wouldn’t be calling him a “ho” or a “slut”. They would mostly likely give him props and all the girls would be trying to get with him. But when Ally’s topless photo circulated around the school, she was getting bashed by everyone. One of the name-callers even appeared on the special, claiming that she wanted to fight her because Ally’s boobs appeared on her man’s phone and she was jealous. Girl, don’t you think you man has a collection of playboys under his bed that he peeps every so often?

Not being in high school makes everyone forget how important your reputation meant to you, but once you graduate you realize how pointless all that bullshit was. We should think about why we call a girl a “ho” and “slut” for doing exactly what everyone else is doing. That’s natural… its the shaming that isn’t.

Send us Your Line!

“Dance Anthem” + Sexual Independence

500 Regina

You know, I’ve heard sexual songs before. Hip-hop, pop, rock, even country litter what would be a beautiful record collection within my hard drive. This means I know it all, and that means I know that nothing is as it seems. of Montreal whispered to me that my body was actually an earthquake, and Bon Iver sometimes urges me to “multiply.”  Even Death Cab knew how it sometimes was, narrating the stories of women who don’t know they deserve better and others who give up on fulfilling sexuality too soon.

But there is something to be noted about Regina Spektor’s “Dance Anthem of the 80’s.” The song is frank: “there’s a meat market down the street, where boys and girls watch each other eat,” she explains to us all, “but they really just want to watch each other sleep.” So, she knew us all along, then, be it because she watched us strut down sidewalks with arms linked (or because she’s keeping tracks on all those kids traversing campus in the jeans, plaid, or toga from the night before).

But “Dance Anthem” is less about sex than it is about that difficult path to becoming a sexual being. I knew the song was special when she started telling a vague and generic story that suddenly came to life as my own, and, as I realize now, a little bit of everyone’s, sometimes difficult journey to sexual independence.

“I went walking through the city, like a drunk, but not, with my slip showin’ a little, like a drunk, but not- and I am one of your people, but the cars don’t stop. It’s been a long time since before I’ve been touched, and now I’m gettin’ touched all the time. It’s a matter of whom, and it’s a matter of when.”

I was struck by the imagery of that scenario, one that captures every step of that process. We begin carefree, trusting, and unaware of the implications of seeking pleasure in the society we live in. Then, we find ourselves caught alone when we realize that to do this hookup thing for ourselves, we need to truly appreciate ourselves. And then- the realization. The sudden, closing, and empowering thought that even if pleasure seeking means some lost pride and some missteps along the way, it is the self-assurance that every night belongs to our desires that keeps our heads raised. Learning to express sexual desire means nobody else controls those desires, or our actions. They belong, finally, to us, and not to the media, the textbooks, or anyone else.

Except maybe Regina.

Corporation:FAIL! Teens, Sex & Violence

500_albuquerque det new-1

I am not an avid TV watcher, but I keep up to date with what’s going on in pop culture through the status updates on my Facebook news feed. After MTV aired the episode of Jersey Shore where Snooki, one of the guidettes,  gets punched by a guy at the bar, I read Facebook statuses of friends like “damn that bitch got smacked” and “that’s so crazy, pumped for next week’s episode”. I was interested in how MTV would deal with the violence, so I sat at home and caught a re-run of that episode. After the show, MTV stated they did not condone violence and if you are in a situation where you are being abused, please contact a hotline and seek help. It felt like they were clearing their name, airing a 60-second PSA on dating violence, after glorifying violence against women. I doubt the millions of viewers who drank in Jersey Shore sat around afterward discussing gender violence, or how fucked up it was on MTV’s part to promote the episode using that clip. Most people were excited to catch next week’s episode and hoped it was as juicy.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and I’ve been watching an influx of shows, PSAs and segments created by the mainstream media in order to combat this “rising epidemic” of teen dating violence and “sexting”. MTV has launched their own campaign against ‘digital drama’ and ’sexting’, A Thin Line, with a website full of expensive-looking videos, quizzes and stories targeted towards teens. As a young womyn of color and a product of this generation, I couldn’t help but notice how much money MTV executives were spending to create a website for teens with hired teen actors and a $10k challenge. Is this what MTV is presenting to my peer group? A handful of badly-written scripts, supposedly “for us” with some edgy graphics?

Katie Couric’s featured video was on teen dating violence, and was basically “A Thin Line” for mothers. The video did offer heartfelt stories, alarming statistics and voices of real victims of violence, but what I got out of the thirty-minute segment is terror that clueless mothers across America are jotting down mental notes listening to Couric & Co.’s advice. Couric suggests that parents should ban their child from using his/her phone at night and keep the computers outside the bedrooms. If my mother banned me from my phone after 9 p.m. to keep me safe from violence, I would have told her to stop paying attention to novelas! Follow Couric’s advice if you want your daughter/son hating you; adolescence is hectic as it is, no need for more tension in the household.

As a young feminist-activista growing up in Bushwick, I was aware of violence; I would hear couples arguing in the streets at night, witnessed husbands raising their hands at wives, and know girls who think when a guy gets crazy jealous its because he loves her. Going to high school in the Lower East Side, I became more involved with the activist scene and declared myself a feminist. After the murder of a seventeen year-old Tina Negron at a local supermarket by her boyfriend, a neighborhood coalition formed called The Power of Peace. POP wants to put an end to violence and promote peace through organizing marches, events and community projects. Through empowering young people to make change, we can create environments and give them the knowledge to make smarter decisions. I doubt my friends have seen the Couric special or heard of “A Thin Line”, and they probably wouldn’t show much interest in it, since we’re not represented. Corporate media, we’re smarter than you think we are, so give us respect and show an interest in what we actually have to say!

Are We Speaking The Same Language?

This is my very first little video shot with the Sanyo Xacti and edited on iMovie. A little bumpy and uneven, but its a learning process. Makes you realize how important sound is. Even if the picture jumps, if you’re sound is continuous you’d notice it less.

Back in September, my film opened for Deborah Kampmeier’s VIRGIN, starring the incredible teenaged Elisabeth Moss at the International Women’s Film Festival in Israel. After our screening they took us out for a yummy lunch with food and wine. This is what film producer and festival programmer Sigal had to say about her line. I love the idea that when you speak your mind, and do it clearly, some folks might still try and act like you’re talking about the birds!