Posts Tagged ‘body’

Do I make babies in my mouth?

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“Do I make babies in my mouth? … cum somewhere else… and I’m not suggesting it… I’m telling you…”

My trip to Colorado this week was amazing! I had a screening at University of Northern Colorado, in Greeley, a town made famous by the cow dung aroma described in Fast Food Nation. I stayed with Professor Nick Syrett, author of “The Company He Keeps: A History of White College Fraternities” who in his previous life was my travel partner in far flung adventures in the Middle East, Maghreb and the hallowed halls of Tina Turner concerts. The film was the kick off event for UNC SAFE week, sponsored by the Women’s Studies Department, The Assault Survivor Advocacy Program, the prestigious gentleman of Nu Alpha Kappa Fraternity, the local police, and more. Had the pleasure of meeting Historiann there, too.

I was told that the student body leaned toward conservative and that many of the students were married. I cringed through the dirty parts of my movie and hoped I wasn’t traumatizing anyone. The screening had over 80 students in attendance, folks asked great questions… and as evidenced above, they were not shy about speaking their minds!

I want you. I want you to beat me. Erotic Violence in “The Hurt Locker”

500_Lookout1A fight is not an inevitable thing. It is a social ritual. It occurs in a context in which all the participants agree that the fight is OK. You chose to fight. You participated in the dance.

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There is no actual harm in one man telling another man that his mother sucked his cock the previous night. It is just an invitation to dance

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He shoved you and you put your hands up but you did not walk away. We take shoving to be a provocation after which one is justified in committing violence.

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What the shove says is, I love you and I want to feel the violence of my love for you by having some contact. The shove says, I want some pain inflicted, will you please engage in some mutual infliction of pain? I need some pain. The shoving says, here, look at what I am willing to do: I am offering myself to you, to be beaten.

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Will you please attack me so I feel whole again? Here, look, I will shove you again. That is my request. The shove says, “I want you. I want you to beat me.”

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He might as well say, you know, I really love you and want to be intimate with you by fighting. Will you join me in a fight? Will you please slake my thirst for violence? I am attracted to you; I think it would be a deep, erotic pleasure to be beaten by you. Would you please? May I have this dance of violence?

These are film stills from “The Hurt Locker,” and the words are excerpted from an advice column by Cary Tennis of Salon.com.

with your hands on my curves…

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Where ever I say it is… as I whisper it in your ear with your hands on my curves. Stanford University, 2/24 2010.

am I empowered, degraded, or both?

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Two weeks ago, a friend told me that her boyfriend choked her while the two were having a fight. I was really upset for my friend, by this act of violence and violation, and also confused. This same friend has admitted to me that she enjoys being choked in bed. Her story prompted me to think harder about the way that an act like choking can oscillate between spaces of pain/pleasure, consent/force, play/violence, complicating these definitions and boundaries, while possibly challenging notions of feminism.

I’ve since recounted this story to others, listening to their opinions and reactions. Admittedly, I feel unequipped to negotiate and process this alone; my desire for closure is eclipsed by the value of showing people that my friend’s story is linked to larger issues of violence, abuse, pleasure, and ambivalence. This includes my own ambivalence; I consider myself a feminist while also enjoying what I define as rough sex. So am I empowered, degraded, or both? It’s damn hard to tell.

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nehw yas ot nehw gniwonK

500_Whentosaywhen

Wow, got totally confused with how to write the title and the letters backwards. Love the DIY nature of this submission. Keep them coming! Write about your line on your body, or download a card on our newly tweaked submit page!