On January 22nd, I attended both a screening of The Invisible War at the Sundance Film Festival and a survivor- speak-out afterward. I can’t stop thinking about what I saw and heard.

Prior to seeing the film, I knew about the epidemic of sexual assault in the military. I’d read the alarming statistics. The Department of Defense estimates that during 2010, there were up to 19,000 women raped in the military. Twenty percent of female veterans were raped by their coworkers either when they were recruits or as active duty members.  One percent of men in the military are raped each year.

Not only is rape epidemic in the military, but prosecution is low and retaliation against survivors is high.  For example, of the few reported rapes, only 8 percent are ever prosecuted and only 2 percent end in conviction. Since perpetrators tend to be repeat offenders, the lack of penalty means the vast majority of rapists can continue raping – both their coworkers in their military and members of their community when they are home. This is an outrage.

While I knew these statistics, I didn’t know or connect with the stories of the survivors until yesterday.

Intending to make the military their career, during the film most of the survivors featured sadly shared how they left the military after their assaults. Even though they love the military, every one of them said they would not recommend the military as a career to any other woman until significant structural changes occur to make the military safer.

Each survivor described their feelings of betrayal for being assaulted by their military “brothers,” and how traumatizing it was to face retaliation from the military (some of the women were even put under investigation and charged with adultery because their assailants claimed the rape was consensual and were married men). The frustration of inadequate health care, therapy, and support was another common theme.

One of the survivors is Trina McDonald, a Navy officer, was drugged and raped repeatedly by other officers on a remote base in Alaska. During the survivor speak-out, we were horrified to hear that during her therapy at the Veterans Affairs (VA), she was told to record what happened to her in great detail and then play that every day until she became desensitized to the trauma. She stopped replaying her tape when the “therapy” made her suicidal. She asked members of the Utah VA present at the speak-out to please do what they could to stop that harmful treatment.

Another survivor is Coast Guard recruit Kori Cioca. Her rapist dislocated her jaw and the VA has yet to provide medical coverage to fix it. Instead they proscribed an alarming amount of drugs, which Cioca displays in the documentary. During the speak-out, she described how one insensitive doctor questioned why she was there and then tried to pry her mouth open with his hands, jammed a mirror in her mouth and only stopped when she got up and left; her pleas to not touch her falling on deaf ears.

Witnessing the impact the rapes and assaults had on the survivors’ family members both in the film and at the speak-out was devastating. Many of the women were married to members of the military or had fathers serving. Most of the men left once they found out what happened and to this day and their every-day life is forever changed as they work to help their loved ones recover their health, their dignity, their life. It was their tears that moved me to tears. I am not a survivor of sexual assault but I know too well the same feeling of helplessness of trying to make things better for loved ones who are survivors and who are in so much pain. Not everything was sad, however. There were messages of hope everywhere. The film showed dedicated members of Congress working to create and pass a legislative fix. We saw brave survivors, including Cicoca, and their lawyer Susan Burke sue the Department of Defense for violating their constitutional rights. And even though the district court judge dismissed the case last month, ruling that rape in the military is an occupational hazard for which you cannot sue the government, they are appealing the decision. The love the survivors’ families show them was also a positive force throughout the film.

During the survivor speak-out, more hope emerged. Survivor after survivor said that working with film producer Amy Ziering was better therapy than anything they went through at the VA because she actually let them talk and listened to their stories without cutting them off or dismissing them. One survivor from Salt Lake City who was not in the film but simply heard about the event and decided to attend said that 90 minutes of watching the film did more good for her than had her years of therapy with VA therapists.

The survivors said once they began working on the film, it was heartening to know they weren’t alone in dealing with these issues. They now had a band of people who had gone through it too and with whom they could advocate for a better military. The film was a turning point for many of them and also a way to reclaim their voices. They hoped it could be a turning point for all the survivors who view the film.

Some of the spouses of survivors spoke at the session too, and they said how cathartic it was to be part of the film. One husband of a survivor said, “It’s hard to know where you can make a difference in the world” but that the film showed him how he and his wife can: by speaking out and advocating for changes.

You don’t just have to be a survivor or the loved one of a survivor to make a difference. If you want to do something, please:

• Sign and share a petition asking for structural changes in the military.
• When the film is available, watch it, tell your friends about it, or host a screening party.
•  Send concrete and pragmatic recommendations for changes to the filmmakers.
• Keep up with the Take Action page to find out what else you can do.

It will take all of our voices to ensure that the military does the right thing.

I screened The Line at M.I.T. and asked them!

Mutual respect, care and pleasure.

We don’t necessarily have to be in love, but you will respect me and treat me like the goddess that I am.

Know what it means to enjoy sex–then you know what you want.

Being fully conscious of what I am doing.

Sex is fabulous! But it better be as fabulous for me as it is for you.

Yes in bed does not mean yes in the park.

Ask me before you put it ANYWHERE.

I screened The Line at Hunter College and asked them!

I don’t know. As a male, I didn’t know I was allowed to have one.

Wherever I decide it is. Not you. Not my parents. Not my religion. Not my culture.

Changes every second, minute, hour, day–and with every person.

It changes. I’m learning to tell you, but please ask me!

Understanding the implications of my actions.

It’s mutual. No one is entitled to my body.

Ask me “Is this okay?” as we go. IT DOESN’T KILL THE MOOD. IT TURNS ME ON!

Have the respect to ask me and don’t judge me for saying no.

Wherever, whenever, and wherever I say it is.

We are on twitter @Invisible_War and Facebook.com/InvisibleWarMovie. Let us know if you want to be included in our newsletter and I’ll add your name.

I screened The Line at Penn State at Abington and asked them!

When you stop listening.

When I fucking say NO!

Put a ring on it.

I refuse to cheat even when he is 3,000 miles away.

When I tell you f*** off.

Where she draws it.

Knowing someone inside and out…true love.

“I don’t know what happened” …is not an answer!

I screened The Line at LREI High School and asked them!

Undefined, but never changing–unless I decide differently.

I’ll be the judge of that. Not you.

Mutuality. It’s a two way street.

It depends. It tends to bend.

I don’t really know. You should ask and find out.

Ask me and you’ll know. Otherwise, you just don’t care.

Only when there is trust do we draw the line together.

Love, trust, emotion, respect.

I screened The Line at Northwestern University and asked them!

You’ll know when I want you.

When I lose my individuality.

When I’m ready I’ll let you know…yes means yes!

Only I can know. Only I can tell you. Listen and respect my answer.

Wouldn’t you like to know? Just ask!

Respect me for who I am and what is in my heart, not just for what is underneath my clothes.

Mine is invisible. Proceed with caution.

No social conservatives.

I screened The Line at Cornell University and asked them!

Don’t try anything stupid.

Take me seriously when I say no. Don’t try to change my mind.

It moves. Please ask. I’ll do the same for you.

Guilt trips are not sexy.

If you don’t know me well enough to ask me.

When the basis of intimacy is no longer emotional or intellectual and physicality is demanded of me.

My purity.

Ask me. We can find out together.

I screened The Line at University of Wisconsin at Oshkosh and asked them!

Always ask me.

I’m done being hurt. Let me call the shots once.

Crazy and unpredictable (just like me!) ASK!

I will not be your one night stand. Prove to me that you are worth it!

When I trust him and he loves me.

Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t say no! I say it all the time.

It involves open communication and respect.

I screened The Line at University of Wisconsin at La Crosse and asked them!

It really changes. I have to feel like we are both in it, not just him.

Sex can wait. Masturbate.

Thin, flexible, strong–ask and we’ll explore!

When I wear a cute outfit and a guy looks at my eyes instead of my boobs or my ass.

When I say “No” don’t pressure me to have to say “Yes.”

Let’s explore each other with love and respect.