Dear future rape prosecutors,
Since as a woman I have about a one in six chance of being raped in my lifetime, I thought I would save you the trouble of rooting through my personal history if and when that occurs. Herein you will find all of the things that will discredit me as a witness and my potential allegation against whoever assaults me.
I’ve lied in the past. I once told my mom I was sleeping at a girl friend’s house, when really I went to a party at a boy’s house. I also threw a party at my parents’ house but told them I didn’t – a pretty bad lie, I’ll admit, since all of their liquor was gone. I even lied about coming home after my curfew had passed. It’s true that I pretty much immediately got caught in all of these lies – I’m an awful liar, to tell you the truth – but I know that doesn’t change the fact that I have not always stuck to the hard facts.
I’ve had dealings with some pretty shady characters. I knew at least one drug dealer in college. I’ve probably hung out with some since I graduated. In high school I spent time with some people who liked to funnel beers, which clearly shows a lack of judgment and character on their part. I’m pretty sure someone on my block smokes marijuana from time to time. I myself have even had dealings with the law! I got two speeding tickets within the space of one month once.
I’ve had sex with multiple men. I know, I should have thought about the potential for this case and held myself back. I’m not terribly religious, either, as I was raised by two hippies. So I make a pretty poor picture of a pious, chaste victim. Sorry about that.
In conclusion, I express my heartfelt apologies for my past wrongdoings and the damage they do to my case.