To Answer Jade’s Question…
Photo via the Dr. Laura Program.
Dr. Laura, the “Number 1 Female Radio Talk Show Host” in America, is in trouble for her recent behavior on-air. When a woman named Jade called in to her show, it began a series of troubling, awkward, and-in the words of Dr. Laura herself- disturbing series of racially-charged events.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is in a whole lot of hot water after she repeatedly used the N-word while talking with a caller during her August 10 radio show.
The profanity insanity began when a woman called asking for help with her husband’s friends. She explained that she was black and her husband was white and that his friends often said racist things or pretended she wasn’t even there. Dr. Laura asked for examples and the caller said they often asked her “Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?” and “Do black people really like doing that?”
Dr. Laura cut her off and said she didn’t believe that was racist. The caller eventually asked about the use of the n-word and Dr. Laura responded with the argument that the N-word was used all the time on HBO and that it was OK for black people to say it but not white people, which she thought was irrational. But, Dr. Laura didn’t say “N-word” she actually used the N-word! Repeatedly!
As you might expect, the caller was rather taken aback and it only got worse from there as Dr. Laura jumped up on a precarious soapbox, sharing her opinions on Barack Obama, “black-think” and the NAACP!
The transcript is available at the earlier link.
The blogosphere has been alive since the incident. Bloggers and activists everywhere are upset and troubled by the remarks. But everyone has forgotten about Jade: the woman who called for advice in the first place on what appears to be a troubling relationship. I wanted to answer Jade’s question:
Jade,
Your husband and his friends are out of line. You cannot summarize ANY group into a stereotype- I am concerned as to why they think that you should be the representative for an entire race. It seems a bit outrageous, but the fact that you and your husband fell in love and got married says to me that he is not a “hopeless case.” But he does not understand how offensive he and his friends are being, and it’s clear- so I would bring it up to him and simply state that although he might not see it that way, the questions and comments being directed to you are offensive. You do not speak for your whole race, and every member of your race does not agree exactly on all topics. Explain to him that it hurts your feelings, and that it is starting to make you question your relationship with him: he should love you and respect your feelings. I mean, if he is like this with you, how would he be towards your children (assuming you have children or plan on having children)? His attitudes toward race are a joke, and this is something that needs to be dealt with now before it escalates and gets out of hand.
Do not keep quiet. Do not let it slide. Do not feel guilty. You deserve to be respected by your husband and his friends.
I’m a black female that has been married to a white man for almost 2 years. And before I was married, I dated white men exclusively for 6 years so I’m well aware of the idiocy and stereotyping that swirls around and can invade an interracial relationship, esp. one between a black woman and white man. I’m not quite sure what type of response she thought she was going to get from Dr. Laura but this isn’t a subject that she would even be remotely qualified to speculate on, let alone offer sound advice.
If your husband’s friends are disrespecting you, your husband needs to end it-period. It’s hurting you and causing problems in the relationship and since those are his friends and you’re his wife he needs to deal with it. And if he’s not willing to deal with it, you have some thinking, listening and possibly re-evaluating to do.
But part of being in an interracial relationship is facing the ignorance and intellectual ineptitude of others. If Jade can’t/won’t deal with it, then maybe an interracial marriage isn’t the safest place for her.
I agree that being a part of an interracial relationship requires that you be able to withstand ignorance of others. I think that Jade was hurt because it was her husband’s friends and her husband, it is people who know her personally that are showing this ignorance. I feel that in any relationship, the person you are with should be your safe zone, the one who you feel no judgement and only acceptance from, from Jade’s call, it seems her husband is not providing her with this