Sex, foreplay, Masturbation, and my girlfriend
In January of 2010, I started to masturbate. I now masturbate about every night. I recently talked to my girlfriend of 6 months about sex, and I told her that I’m ready for it, she replied no, and and she wants to wait until after high school. I am 16 years old, and she is 15 years old. I really want to have sex, and I’m horny a lot lately, and I really don’t know what to do. I want to be more intimate with my girlfriend but I don’t want to hurt her. We are both “prude” and I just want to put some more intimacy into our relationship. We have only done little pecks on the lips, we’ve never made out. I was thinking about either grabbing her boob, and/or fingering her. But I don’t know what to do because I’m afraid that if I try something sexual like grabbing her boob or fingering her, I think I might lose her as a girl friend.
Hey Tyler, thanks for sharing. I chose the images for this post – and well, I was trying to make a very strong point.
Always. Ask.
Forcing, grabbing, fingering someone against their will or without asking is:
1. against the law
2. completely uncool and disrespectful
3. unnecessary
Can you talk to your girlfriend? Sounds like you really care about her, and want to be intimate – could you imagine how damaging it would be to grab her without asking?
It is totally natural to want to have sex and be horny… I think exploring your feelings with her is a great option, and masturbation is a good one, too.
What do you mean when you say “prude?”, being new to sex doesn’t make you a prude… I vote you talk to your girlfriend, and see what makes her comfortable, and try exploring together- with lots of communication.
Anything you do consensually won’t hurt her – don’t be afraid of your own sexuality (or hers), everyone has a sex drive and the right to find sexual fulfillment. Keep talking to her about sex, it’s a major part of any relationship.
That being said, what you do in this, your first of relationships and your entrance into sexuality, will set the stage and be a standard for both of you for the rest of your romantic lives. Treat her with respect and demand the same in return.
Take things slowly and let her decide when she is ready for more. Grow into it slowly, together. If sexual activity does not add to a relationship, then it is taking away from it, and you don’t want that.
When you do end up going further, be prepared. Have condoms. Know that it is growing from love and not just from horniness.
Start by asking her if she wants to kiss more. Kissing is part of communication and you will be able to tell a lot from it if she feels comfortable trying it. But it is imperative you keep the lines of communication open and make sure she feels comfortable with what you’re doing (and that you do, too!).
She has told you that she wants to wait until after high school for sex, so you have to keep that in mind no matter what you do. You also need to keep in mind her age… in most states, sex with a 15 year old is statutory rape regardless of consent. You may not do time, but you may wind-up as a registered sex offender for the rest of your life.
However, moving beyond that point…
Be honest with her by telling her what you want to do more than kiss her (though it would be nice if you did not say “grab your boob or finger you” … try “explore your body more”), and in that very same breath tell her that you WILL NOT do anything that she does not want you to, and you will wait for her to tell you that she feels comfortable. And then… stop talking about it. Don’t pressure her, and don’t bring it up again.
You want her to know that you respect her and will respect what she does or does not want. And then, you actually respect her.
In a situation where she feels safe and respected, she may also feel more comfortable and that you are worthy of her trust. In that situation, she may be more willing to “explore” with you with the knowledge that nothing will happen that she does not want to happen. Or, she may not, and this is where the actually respecting her part becomes very important. You do not pressure someone you respect, and you do not make someone you respect do something that they do not want to do.
Eventually, if you feel that not doing “more” is not something you can deal with, then the way to respect her and respect yourself is to break-up so that both of you can find a more compatible person to be with. Do be afraid of that if you get there, but remember: she does not deserve blame for having a boundary, no more than you deserve blame for having a different boundary.
Also, about the daily masturbation: that will last for a long time. Longer than you would think. But, when you wake up one day and realize that you haven’t done that for a long time… then you will start to worry about your age.
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