After a disastrous evening with malt liquor, I spent the following day at my good friend Nella’s house in Queens. I’ve been friends with her for ten years, making her my oldest friend, and she lives in the neighborhood I spent my childhood. A little bit about Nella pictured above: she’s obsessed with the E! network, she loved “Party Monster“, takes photos of herself as a burlesque girl, and Sid Vicious is one of her idols. We haven’t hung out in a few months, but recently she texted me asking what to do regarding a certain situation with our mutual friend, B. Her text read:
If you woke up next to a naked girl in your bed and she was clothed before you went to sleep, and she left a pair of boots behind to see you again, would you? No, I didn’t have sex with her.
Didn’t think much of it, I mean, it was a text. I told her it wasn’t a big deal, just give the girl her boots. I blew it off and minimized it, because I didn’t know all the details. Nella left out a huge part of the story; that she woke up to B masturbating naked next to her the next morning! I’m all for masturbation and/or sleeping naked, but it’s really uncomfortable to wake up to strange moans and a not-so-familiar ass in your face. I don’t want to compare this to a rape – and although B didn’t touch Nella – it’s totally a violation.
At first I thought it was a violation of privacy but its more than that – it’s a violation of trust and boundaries! It’s really out of line. Its one thing if B had a crush on Nella and told her directly, that’s not a big deal, but to get naked and sexual next to her while she was sleeping? I thought maybe she had a problem controlling herself, but the way she acted afterward seems like she did it on purpose.
The night I stayed over, after splitting a joint with her parents and doing some serious catching-up, the doorbell started ringing. And it rang and rang and rang. B was at the door, with a box of chocolates to give to Nella. She wanted to go upstairs to “apologize”, but Nella’s brother Mikey wouldn’t let her. He returned her boots and closed the door. Now here’s where B crossed the line between redeeming herself and being a stalker: she forced her way back into the apartment!
B has been calling Nella non-stop for days, and leaving voice mails calling her a bitch and a bad friend for not talking to her. Because of all of this, Nella deactivated her Facebook account, took down all of her burlesque photos, and started a new account. I completely understand that Nella just wants to forget the entire situation and dead her, she doesn’t want to deal with B at all, but the other part of her wants it to end, and wants her to go away. I know they’re going to run into each other at some point and there needs to be some sort of closure or understanding. I think it sucks that Nella had to change her behavior because of B, but we’re not sure what to do.
Is this a “stalker” situation? How can she safely resolve this? Any tips?