Does this have to be about rape? If so, I cannot contribute. If not, here’s my 2ct.
I’ve had one girl who crossed my line. At a party she groped me to make another guy jealous, and she told me. It wasn’t the inappropriate touching itself that made it offensive, but the fact that it wasn’t even about me. I felt she had crossed a line. But I wouldn’t call it sexual assault or anything, just particularly bad manners.
But for me, the problem was usually the other way around, a different kind of line. I’m a guy and my problem was always that there is no way to know anyone else’s line without exploring, finding the line, and not rarely that will mean to at least tangentially touch it. As a teenager, I was so scared of me and my potentially violent sexuality that I didn’t even explore any lines. I exploded on the inside, but I was too afraid to accidentally hurt someone to even try to make out with a girl. As a result, I’m still a virgin at 34, and I’ve only kissed a girl at 32. I’ve done therapy to get over my sexual guilt, but it’s not easy to change one’s self concept if it is as deeply engrained.
As I’ve found out later, I’ve broken a lot of hearts because I was too afraid to explore. I was/am afraid of crossing lines even when the gates are apparently wide open. But I just did not and do not want to become *that* guy. Problem is, our lines aren’t put in stone, they are negotiated with every word and, possibly every touch, then with every kiss. Lines move. And that implies that we need to explore, there’s just no way around it.
And most women tell me that they expect the men in their lives to be the initiators. They expect me to explore where their lines are. I’ve tried asking about kissing explicitly, but most of the time (well, the couple of times I did ask), they did not seem to appreciate it – women seem to prefer it if men test their lines and both move them and miraculously respect them at the same time. No wonder there are people who call seduction an art.
So where’s my line? I don’t know. I am still far too afraid when it comes to making any move, even though, these days, women literally throw themselves on me. Technically, I may not be far away from not being a virgin, but mentally, it’s a distant future. Because I can’t cross my mental line because I’m afraid I may be crossing her physical line.
F****g dilemma, quite literally, because parallel lines only meet in infinity, but no one will live forever…