My line is about trying new things, broadening my sexual horizons, being creative in the bedroom (and outside the bedroom for that matter) and feeling liberated as a result of that. My line is about open communication. My line is about pleasure….mine and yours. My line is about choice…being able to say no when something doesn’t feel right or is outside my comfort boundaries and not feel guilty or apologetic for that. My line is about mutual respect.
Archive for October, 2009
All That Glitters
10.19.09 Annie | 1 Comment »
How Do You Define “Sex-Positive”?
10.18.09 Nancy | No Comments »
A friend asked me what “sex-positive” actually means, and why we use it to describe the work we’re doing with THE LINE. I had one of those New York bubble moments, where you assume everyone gets your terminology and uses it in the same way. I immediately texted my sister, my trusty litmus test for all things suburban-American/open minded/fairly mainstream. She’d never heard of it, but guessed that it combined sex + positive attitude. I googled and found your basic Wikipedia definition, this members-only site called Blackbox Republic, a documentary that I need to see and the Center for Sex Positive Culture.
I put the question out to the great Facebook oracle and here’s what we got:
knowing how to enjoy and how to control.
consenting
attitude: not seeing sex as a taboo subject, but rather as something that is healthy, enjoyable, and a commonality among all peoples that can and should be discussed. Seeing as something that is different for each person, and knowing that this is acceptable. When used with “education” as in, “sex positive education” it means the teaching of the proper use of contraceptives, how to safely engage in sexual acitivity (if the program is really good, it will teach about anal and oral sex, as well as mutual masturbation and outer course), and teaches the importance of yearly testing.
honouring the life force, from procreation to healing
my understanding is that we as human beings are sexual, and to respect that. Sex is not a bad or wrong thing if both parties consent. We all have different ways of expressing our sexual selves and we should honour rather than suppress or feel shameful for it.
a lot of sex between consenting adults? (I laughed that she put “a lot” and she replied:) it must be a lot otherwise it’d be called sad yearly sex between bored consenting adults. can you tell that i’m still crazy about my boo in spite of all the years that have gone by? in my opinion, if a romantic relationship were based on a lot of mutual respect but no sex it’d make no sense whatsoever to me. i don’t understand the intricacies of surrender when i hear of young couples that barely have sex. what made them give up this basic need? maybe they never liked each other that way… hmmm… personally, i’d rather adopt a cat…
One way to look at it: Wingnut values = guns good, sex bad. Sex-positive values = sex good, guns bad. (But seriously, I’ve used “sex-positive” when pitching a story about a superhero named Captain O…I think you can guess what the O stands for.)
we need a comic book with captain o as the hero! that would be pretty sex-positive. captain o could teach young women how to figure themselves out, and young men how to be respectful while still being able to “help” women in the quest of self discovery, etc. though i can also foresee how this comic book could easily turn into porn…
I then posed the question to Friday night’s rollicking panel at Blue Stockings about Men & Feminism, and the overall theme from the panelists was that of pleasure, and the inclusion of pleasure in the dialogue with human and gender rights, no judgment, and space for many types of sexual expressions within feminsm.
Anything to add?
Is Gang Rape A Typical Workplace Dispute?
10.16.09 Nancy | No Comments »
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Rape-Nuts | ||||
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This piece is lifted directly from the Huffington Post, they won’t mind. Kudos for Franken for putting this forward (he did get a lot of heat for his rape jokes prior to the election). Love the outrage from Jon Stewart, and how boldly those 30 Republicans stand up for corporate interests!
In 2005, Jamie Leigh Jones was gang-raped by her Halliburton/KBR co-workers while working in Iraq and locked in a shipping container for over a day to prevent her from reporting her attack. The rape occurred outside of U.S. criminal jurisdiction, but to add serious insult to serious injury she was not allowed to sue KBR because her employment contract said that sexual assault allegations would only be heard in private arbitration–a process that overwhelmingly favors corporations.
This year, Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) proposed an amendment that would deny defense contracts to companies that ask employees to sign away the right to sue. It passed, but it wasn’t the slam dunk Jon Stewart expected. Instead the amendment received 30 nay votes all from Republicans. “I understand we’re a divided country, some disagreements on health care. How is ANYONE against this?” He asked.
My Line Is Vaginas!
10.15.09 Nancy | No Comments »
I love his little smile in the background. He thought he was going to get in trouble for even thinking it. My eye was tucked behind the lens, but I heard him say “My line is vaginas!” and his friend said “you can’t put that…” Oh yes you can!
I Am Not A Fuck Doll!
10.13.09 Nancy | 1 Comment »
Last night, the screening at Pace University exceeded my expectations. The seats were full, about 50% male, and the crowd was at varying stages of comfort and exposure to the topic of sex, consent, assault and boundaries. Once the lights went up, the hands shot up. Two passionate student leaders from Students Organized Against Rape, and a representative from the counseling center joined me on the panel. Having students tell their peers why they chose to bring THE LINE and why the film is relevant and meaningful to their lives was a great way to kick off discussion. It helped me understand what is going on for them, and allowed the students to guide the conversation. We decided to challenge what we think as private.
The conversation moved from harassment, promiscuity, risky behavior, “rape culture” and sexual exploration. We talked about bystander behavior, and what some of the barriers are to calling someone out – generally fear and shame. I asked the audience what they thought the root of rape culture is, and we discussed religion and the indoctrinated belief that sex is bad, a sin, and shameful. The students were direct, asking their male counterparts to step up and help create the solution. I have a feeling that a men’s group could blossom by next year.
One young woman asked me (and I loved it), “well, let’s say you meet someone in Times Square and you decide to go home with him, just like that… I mean…talking about ‘your line’ is something that takes time.” She’s totally right. It can take time, sleeping with complete strangers can be risky, and that provided a great moment to talk about casual sex and how it can and should still be respectful. Another student chimed in, “being young is about exploring sexuality, and we all have a right to do that and be safe, without judgment.”
Another student asked me if I said “no” loudly enough – and said, “by consenting to going to his house and getting in bed…” and someone replied: “just because someone invites you over for dinner, doesn’t mean you can steal their silverware, plates and napkin holders when you leave!”
When we finished, the line snaked through the room with people holding up stickers waiting to be photographed. It felt positively revolutionary! Check out the rest of the photos and feel free to comment!
