We say hook up culture plays by boys’ rules because we have this idea that 1) all boys ONLY want sex, and hate being in a relationship, and 2) all girls ONLY want a relationship, and sex is only secondary to an emotional connection. Um…no. Calling hook up culture playing by boys’ rules? Sort of playing to sexist expectations of how the genders are supposed to behave.

Personally? I always liked the fact that hooking up meant I could have sex without feeling obligated later to make a big thing out of it. I was glad that it was something I could walk away from, because for a long time, I had zero interest in a boyfriend and I found the whole dating thing to be draining. I never once felt like I was playing by someone else’s rules, because I was in it for me. Not for some misguided hope that the guy would actually decided he loved me or something. I certainly never felt humiliated or like I’d been used, because I was there for MY pleasure and no one else’s.

If you do end up falling for a guy you’ve hooked up with, and he doesn’t feel the same way, yeah, that sucks. After all, we still do have feelings, and you can’t always help how you feel. But to go blaming hook up culture because you expected a boyfriend from sex, when from the outset, hook up culture is NOT about relationships, but about sex is not really productive. It’s certainly not accurate. Piling on top of that some anti-feminist garbage about how hook up culture is bad because a girl can’t get what she’s always wanted–a man to call her own(!)? I’m just tired of it.

If you can’t participate in hook up culture, that’s fine. I think it’s positive and healthy to know your boundaries, and if you know you can’t have sex without an emotional component, then hooking up is clearly not for you. Just don’t go deriding hook up culture because you expected what is explicitly communicated to everyone in hook up culture not to expect.

I know you’ve heard this from me and many others before, but you are the paragon of empowerment and rational feminism for a lot of people. It just surprised me to see a young woman who I always thought of as so self-assured and independent upset over a guy who wasn’t worth her time. but I’m glad you wrote this article, and couldn’t agree more with the part about wanting to explore your sexuality outside of an institution that silences its worth.

and lol at sexting being a tag in this post

In the culture of post-feminism we live in, though, being a feminist is somewhat a display. You’re expected to have the empowerment thing DOWN, because if you don’t, who does?

But the idea that empowered women shouldn’t be disappointed when a night gone great turns into a huge mess is just silly.

The follow-up text, which a lot of people have mentioned, is definitely integral here. Oh, the power of communication. It’s nothing but a big ball of anxiety waiting to happen.