Comfortable Curiosity
I spent a lot of time thinking about this today to try and define my line. My wife helped with this phrase: Comfortable Curiosity. It boils my line down to a simple statement. My line is about being able to explore within mutual comfort. It’s the comfort to discuss and be open with each other as well as the comfort to engage. Comfortable enough to say when, and for both of us to be aware and present enough to see a negative response and respect it.
This started for me with media. I grew up watching Law & Order. The show occasionally explored rape cases that weren’t clear cut or where the question of consent was central to the episode. It planted seeds in my head for considering my own behavior. I can be neurotic and worry excessively at times about what I’m doing or what I’ve done. My preoccupation with comfort and clarity of comfort zones for myself and others emerged from these episodes. I have been perpetually afraid of being one of “those guys.”
For myself it’s about respecting me the way I respect you. If I am concerned with your comfort I need you to be concerned with mine. It’s about trusting me enough to be honest with me and trust that I will respect you, because that is what I want to trust you with. That trust and respect that it takes to be honest and to accept my honesty.
Tags: communication, consent, men, power, respect, sex, women
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43 single I live in vancouver canada. My comfort level is tolerance Living with myself accepting I am female gives me kindness peace for others vulnerable. Fear from persecution violence does not allow me openly display love for males
Thanks, Sean, for posting this. I’m surprised that Law & Order is what prompted you to examine dynamics more carefully – just never thought of that, and I love that you acknowledge that men, not just women, are also vulnerable in intimate sexual encounters. It is a process for all of us, and there’s a lot of men (and women) out there doing the hard work of including other men in this discussion, so thank you for being willing to go there.