Yesterday, we posted Tran’s Bill of Rights, a piece that summarized her summer of learning and discovering. Today, we wanted to post a link that was sent to us from Ross Wantland- a 2007 piece called “We the Women.”
As the editor of Where Is Your Line?, I have often written about the unique power of the internet and the bold approach of THE LINE campaign takes toward contributing to various conversations with a loud voice about ending sexual violence, empowering people through their sexuality, and beginning conversations on sex and relationships that have never before been started.
Today, I am writing to unveil more powerful voices. THE LINE campaign is centered in this blog, and we know how important voices and the action of speaking out can be. And so, THE LINE is building a blogroll, and we want to use it to give you more: more coverage of information you care about, more frequent updates on people and situations we care about, and more variation of topics in our own blogging cycle. We want to talk to you here more frequently, and we want to give you the ability to trace our information – and more – through our blogroll.
As we develop our list of authors and organizations to listed to, we’re looking for submissions- from you.
Tell us in the comments below what you want us to be reading- your own personal blogs, your favorite news sites, your favorite organization news feeds. If you think it’s important, we do, too, and we’d like to include it. You can get insight into what we’re reading in the archives and via our twitter feed. When we post the list, you’ll be able to see it here – and submit quick! We’re hoping to post it within the next week.
Thanks for being involved. We’re looking forward to hearing from you.
This summer, I gained a new perspective on relationships and women’s empowerment. There are two main reasons for the feminist thoughts in my head – a teacher and the internet.
In the beginning of summer, I was talking to a teacher about relationships and the term “whipped.” (I had told her stories about friends who had let their partners control their every move because they felt that they were “too in love to care.”) Being the amazing teacher she is, she said:
“You have the vagina in this relationship. A man needs you. Regardless if it is for sex, love, or procreation.”
As raunchy as it may be, it’s true: it takes two to have a successful relationship (or more, depending on your own style). There must always be a division of power in order to have a relationship, and when your partner begins controlling every move, it’s more of an imprisonment. When people respect each other, the foundation is set for a strong partnership.
Men Can Stop Rape poster via TCADSV.
Here’s a scenario: I’m out to dinner with a group of sophisticated, professional-type couples. Someone asks me what I do and everyone politely pauses to listen to my response. I respond that I’m a rape crisis intervention counselor and advocate for rape victim’s rights, and I can literally watch 50% of the group turn off, click, and nonchalantly start to chat amongst themselves about something else. Meanwhile, the rest of the table will either make sympathetic sounds, perplexedly question why I would choose to “spend my time doing that,” or get wide-eyed and stare at me like I’ve cornered them and they’re planning an exit strategy.
The second group is usually comprised of the women. The first group – the group of people that seems to think the topic of rape is irrelevant to their lives – consists of men.
By and large, rape prevention education is targeted towards girls and women, implying that rape is a “woman’s issue” and therefore, of no concern for boys. This strategy has the damaging auxiliary effects of: 1) promoting the antiquated and dangerous belief that a woman is solely responsible for putting on the breaks during sexual activity, 2) communicating to boys and men that they need not concern themselves with such frivolous matters as consent, mutual fulfillment or sexual autonomy, and 3) thereby condoning sexual violence because, you know, boys will be boys.
What we need is a more holistic and comprehensive strategy to end rape. And it starts with men speaking out and stepping up. To be clear, I’m not suggesting paternalism- I’m talking about being a decent person and not letting your buddies step out of line. A groundbreaking study by psychologists David Lisak and Paul Miller provides a lot of compelling reasons as to why this is necessary.
Lisak and Miller interviewed almost 2,000 male college students about their sexual behavior, hoping to gain some insight into the frequency of rape. They found that, out of the men interviewed, only about 6% admitted to raping. But out of those men, about 76% admitted to repeatedly raping at an average of about 6 rapes per person. And 4% of the men surveyed committed over 400 rapes and over 1,000 violent acts between them.
So what we have here is a very small group of the population that commits the vast majority of rapes and otherwise violent acts against intimate partners (ie, slapping or choking). But the most significant finding is that most rapists are serial rapists. What this means for men is that, if you think that someone has done it once, chances are that person will do it again – and again, and again. If we can get past blaming the victim or pretending that it’s none of your business or that it’s just a matter of good guys making bad decisions, and if we can really focus on the fact that men who rape are criminals and predators, I think that our society can stop rape.
Amazingly, the research also suggests that men who rape don’t think that what they’re doing is rape. When the men surveyed were asked questions like, “Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances,” they’d answer “yes” as long as the word “rape” wasn’t in there. Lisak spoke to CBS News about his 20 years worth of interviews:
“A lot of these men, especially the serial rapists, are very, very narcissistic, there is nothing they enjoy more than to sit down in a room with a guy like me and impress me with all their sexual exploits. And that’s how they view them.”
Rape doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It is perpetuated, justified and promoted by a culture that rejects the idea of women’s humanity. Every time you encourage or sit silently through a story about some “sexual exploit,” you’re contributing to this culture at the expense of women everywhere. Rape will not stop until we successfully teach our men that the systematic abuse and denigration of women is not a necessary, joyful component of manhood.
And who can deliver that message better than men themselves?
Photo via the Dr. Laura Program.
Dr. Laura, the “Number 1 Female Radio Talk Show Host” in America, is in trouble for her recent behavior on-air. When a woman named Jade called in to her show, it began a series of troubling, awkward, and-in the words of Dr. Laura herself- disturbing series of racially-charged events.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is in a whole lot of hot water after she repeatedly used the N-word while talking with a caller during her August 10 radio show.
The profanity insanity began when a woman called asking for help with her husband’s friends. She explained that she was black and her husband was white and that his friends often said racist things or pretended she wasn’t even there. Dr. Laura asked for examples and the caller said they often asked her “Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?” and “Do black people really like doing that?”
Dr. Laura cut her off and said she didn’t believe that was racist. The caller eventually asked about the use of the n-word and Dr. Laura responded with the argument that the N-word was used all the time on HBO and that it was OK for black people to say it but not white people, which she thought was irrational. But, Dr. Laura didn’t say “N-word” she actually used the N-word! Repeatedly!
As you might expect, the caller was rather taken aback and it only got worse from there as Dr. Laura jumped up on a precarious soapbox, sharing her opinions on Barack Obama, “black-think” and the NAACP!
The transcript is available at the earlier link.
The blogosphere has been alive since the incident. Bloggers and activists everywhere are upset and troubled by the remarks. But everyone has forgotten about Jade: the woman who called for advice in the first place on what appears to be a troubling relationship. I wanted to answer Jade’s question:
Jade,
Your husband and his friends are out of line. You cannot summarize ANY group into a stereotype- I am concerned as to why they think that you should be the representative for an entire race. It seems a bit outrageous, but the fact that you and your husband fell in love and got married says to me that he is not a “hopeless case.” But he does not understand how offensive he and his friends are being, and it’s clear- so I would bring it up to him and simply state that although he might not see it that way, the questions and comments being directed to you are offensive. You do not speak for your whole race, and every member of your race does not agree exactly on all topics. Explain to him that it hurts your feelings, and that it is starting to make you question your relationship with him: he should love you and respect your feelings. I mean, if he is like this with you, how would he be towards your children (assuming you have children or plan on having children)? His attitudes toward race are a joke, and this is something that needs to be dealt with now before it escalates and gets out of hand.
Do not keep quiet. Do not let it slide. Do not feel guilty. You deserve to be respected by your husband and his friends.
